Healthy Coping Skills: Building a Stronger Self and Society

As individuals and as a society, we must regularly examine coping skills. They don’t just impact you; they impact us all because we live in community. In an age of growing violence, mass shootings, and public discontent, open dialogue on healthy coping skills is of vital importance. To help people adopt a higher way of living, healthy coping skills are essential. Let’s explore the context of coping skills and some simple, practical tools to create a more beautiful world and self.

In order to make positive change, we must first evaluate some important barriers. Why do people lose control and commit acts of violence? Those are complex issues involving biological, psychological, and social systems. However, one common denominator often involves unresolved trauma and grief. Examples may include trauma from exposure to distressing experiences, being a victim of social injustice, marginalization, or being unskilled in coping with adversity in healthy ways. Ultimately, coping can be understood as adaptation or maladaptation (healthy or unhealthy responses).

Danger in Using Denial as a Coping Skill

Some people only want to talk about superficial topics or, as McCartney sang, “fill the world with silly love songs.” I am willing to engage in difficult topics and focus on what I can do as an individual to improve myself and uplift others when possible. I have “courage to change.” You can too. We can face change and reality together to make a lasting difference in our own lives and in the world.

As the saying goes, we all need “courage to change.” Denial is a coping skill that all humans use to one extent or another. Examples include avoidance behavior, certain forms of distorted thinking, excessive distraction, and compulsive self-gratification used to escape from reality.

In some situations, denial can be positive or negative; it depends on how it is used. There is a difference between being positive and being in denial, but the two concepts are often confused. Denial becomes a negative coping skill when it creates an unbalanced life or prevents growth. Excessive positivity can also become maladaptive when it prevents people from acknowledging problems that require attention and support. Covering up or dismissing tragedy, misfortune, and injustice under the guise of positive thinking can become a temporary coping strategy, but it is ultimately destructive. It can be isolating and may perpetuate dysfunction.

In general, humans can struggle with facing reality directly. Perceptions of reality are complex. We are often limited by our personal experience and influenced by external messaging from media and cultural systems. Some people have a narrow scope of experience, while others have broader exposure. However, we must be careful not to deny realities outside of our own lived experience. This is another reason why we must regularly reflect on our coping patterns, including denial, and work to stay connected to the broader human community, including those who may be marginalized or overlooked.

An Appropriate Context for Denial

There is an appropriate time and place for discretion and selective emotional filtering. Some topics are not suitable for all audiences or developmental stages. For example, it would not be appropriate to discuss explicit or disturbing subjects with young children. In this sense, limited avoidance can serve a protective developmental function. However, it should not become a long-term way of avoiding reality.

In ancient biblical times, the “tree of the knowledge of good and evil” was a metaphor for the burden of awareness and the complexity of human suffering. We should approach difficult topics with care, especially when supporting children or vulnerable individuals. The goal is not to overwhelm, but to build understanding at an appropriate developmental level.

Most importantly, we should help ourselves and our children develop healthy coping skills. This means building a sense of safety not through avoidance, but through honesty, stability, and supportive communication. We can reinforce peace, resilience, and hope while still acknowledging life’s challenges.

Adaptation Is Built Upon a Foundation

What one finds after many years of life experience is that the world can be a very difficult place. My father used to say that unless you go into life consciously to bring love, meaning, and light, there will be very little of it in your experience. Creating purpose and meaning, and teaching children to be a positive presence in the world, is not morbid; it is healthy. The future of humanity depends on living in reality rather than denial.

How can one develop healthy coping skills in the face of crisis? The best approach is not to wait until a crisis occurs. Do not wait until health declines or relationships are strained to begin building healthier coping skills. Start today.

7 Steps to Developing Healthy Coping Skills

1. Have a commitment to self-improvement.
2. Have a mission and purpose that extends beyond yourself, including contributing to the well-being of others.
3. Build a supportive community and a healthy family environment around you, even if it does not look like a traditional structure.
4. Develop a strong sense of self, ensuring your identity is not solely dependent on people, roles, or circumstances that can change.
5. Make self-care a priority so that you maintain physical, emotional, and mental balance.
6. Set healthy boundaries and realistic expectations with yourself and others.
7. Build routines that include healthy outlets for stress, such as creative expression, exercise, and mind-body practices like yoga or meditation.